


The Elusive Matriarch of Kunugigaoka High

by gwendee



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Crack, High School, Humor, I hope, Mamasano, Mild Karushuu, OOC, Other, POV Outsider, Post-Canon, Slice of Life, Slightly - Freeform, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22225396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwendee/pseuds/gwendee
Summary: "You have a mom?!" Seo blurts, and slaps his hands over his mouth.Asano gives him an incredulous look. "What, you think my dad cloned me from a test tube?""You do look a lot like him," Akabane points out. Asano gives him a withering stare.Or: Mamasano comes to visit
Relationships: Asano Gakuhou/Original Character(s)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 340





	The Elusive Matriarch of Kunugigaoka High

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Here's some useless ridiculous humor to make up for all the sadness I've been spamming everyone with.
> 
> Some Q&A to kickstart the fic
> 
> _Is this Mamasano canon?_  
>  No, she is not. There is no mention of who Mamasano might be, although it's listed somewhere (if I do remember right) that she's a housewife.
> 
> _Does this version of Mamasano tie in to any of the others I've written?_  
>  Not at all. I've had various Mamasanos in my fics whom I've been consistently using the name Shiina for BUT this Mamasano has a different characterization, so she'll be a different Mamasano altogether. She's not named in this fic and thereby only referred to as Mrs Asano but feel free to throw out any names if you have any. 
> 
> ...that's it I can't think of any more. Here you go, presenting:

**The adventures of Mamasano and her boys**

There's a weird aura in Kunugigaoka High today. It's not so much the broken furniture that the school management had finally decided to replace, or the shiny new coat of paint glittering in every surface of the walls. It might be the school teachers' sudden collective nervousness spreading through the school halls, or even the brief flash of panic on the Principal's face during their routine assembly address.

In class 1-A, the most unnerving thing of it all was the smile on their resident grumps's face. Principal's son, perfect scorer, always pleasant despite constantly in a state of sulk, today giddily bouncing on his toes for no reason and seemingly oblivious to the stares he's getting.

Oh my god, is he humming?

"Okay," Akabane says, "I'll bite. The principal is alive and breathing today, no murders happened in the past 48 hours - I've checked, okay, there were a few, but you have alibis. There isn't a surprise test coming up and you're still second place to me. So what gives? Did you win the lottery?"

Asano doesn't even seem offended, which adds to the strangeness of it all. Their homeroom teacher looks a little paler. 

"Well," Asano says, sincerely cheerful in an actually kind of adorable way, "my mom's coming home and I haven't seen her in a while, so I'm just excited."

"Oh, okay," Akabane says. That makes sense. There's a general quiet murmur of relief as the class reassures themselves that the world isn't ending (again), and the students settle back down in anticipation of another fruitful day of productivity and education. 

Hold on.

"Wait, did you just say your  _ mom _ is coming?"

Pandemonium ensures.

There's been a lot of speculation in the gossip circle about the dynamics of the Asano family even back when they were in middle school. Seemingly perfect at first glance, a charismatic and intelligent father-son duo who broke hearts, necks, and world records. It had been a superficial interest at first, seniors cooing over wide-eyed Gakushuu strolling around in the grounds of his father's empire and teachers patting him over the head as he passed, until he turned from 9 to 10 to 11, 12, 13 and entered Kunugigaoka as a student, and it quickly became obvious that the Asanos absolutely loathed each other. 

A constant rivalry that surpassed friendly competition and it seemed at first how petty must Principal Asano be, picking on his child like that, but it was apparent that the younger Asano could bite back as viciously as his father, and the whole school was soon swept up into their anarchy. They pushed the school forward unimaginable multitudes within Asano's first year of study, brilliant grades and better extracurriculars, initiatives in the drafts sprung forward better than ever with the younger Asano's determination to outperform his patriarch. Theories sprung as war waged on the battleground, what was the Asanos homelife like? How was their house still standing? Was their rivalry all for show, did they secretly have a loving healthy relationship behind closed doors? There was brief speculation about Asano's mother, but his refusal to talk about her at any stage and the sheer impossibility of the idea of a single person between the two chaotic entities that were father and son, they had assumed she was no longer in the picture. Years of non answer and the subsequent end-of-the-world scenario, the hype with the Asanos had died down.

You know, until now.

"You have a mom?!" Seo blurts, and slaps his hands over his mouth.

Asano gives him an incredulous look. "What, you think my dad cloned me from a test tube?"

"You do look a lot like him," Akabane points out. Asano gives him a withering stare. 

It's a brief respite from cheerful Asano, Akabane's glad to see that sour face again. But Asano's good mood is undeterred by his classmates' temporary stupidity and he starts smiling again. 

There's a group chat dedicated to all things Gakushuu Asano. No one knows who created it, but one day everybody found a link to a page, peppered with little Gakushuu Asano related updates. Asano knows about the chat because someone had spilled the beans and also because it was impossible to keep a secret from Asano, but he claims he doesn't care. It's quiet most of the time, but there are occasional bursts of random activity such as on the day Asano came to school wearing glasses, or the day he fell asleep in the library and the principal had come to drag him home but ended up sitting quietly next to him and patting his hair for the better part of an hour. The chat is revived again today, as Masami sends a picture of a softly smiling Asano, and everyone's phones sound in unison.

"I wonder what his mom is like," Jin says, "I haven't seen him this excited for anything."

"That's just sad," Akabane points out.

"Don't be a wet blanket," Anayo says. "I think it's cute."

That seems to be the general consensus. 

They go through the rest of the day in earnest anticipation. Asano doesn't say if his mother would come to Kunugigaoka but everyone is silently hoping so, to see her husband and son immediately after a long leave of absence. The reason for said absence is still undivulged, but nobody asks because as cheerful as Asano seems now, he's still a terrifying person.

"This never happened in middle school," Sakakibara says, as everyone hounds him to approach Asano to get at least a titbit of something,  _ anything _ , bit of gossip. Sakakibara, wisely, refuses.

Disappointingly, nothing happens throughout the course of the day. It's after the last bell rings for dismissal that Asano checks his phone. "She's here!"

"Like here, in this school?" Akabane asks.

Asano rushes out of the classroom in lieu of a reply. 1-A leave their belongings behind in haste to chase after him.

In the courtyard, walking towards them with a purposeful stride, is a blonde woman in a dress more expensive than Kunugigaoka's private school fees. It's obvious who she is when they get closer - she has given her son the softness of her face and the same shade of strawberry blonde hair. Standing next to each other, it was apparent that Gakushuu Asano wasn't a carbon copy of his father after all. 

"Mom!" Asano says brightly. 

"Gakushuu, sweetie," Mrs Asano coos, as her son sweeps her up in a bear hug. "I missed you so much."

"Missed you too, mom," Asano says.

It was... really, really adorable. 1-A watches the reunion in fondness. Asano seems to remember he has an audience, but he's far from embarrassed about the soft display. Instead he turns to his classmates and introduces his mother like he's on cloud nine, and she smiles back ever so sweetly, it's almost impossible to imagine her related to the devil duo of her husband and child. 

"Gakushuu's told me a lot about the class," Mrs Asano gushes, clapping her hands together. She turns to Sakakibara standing in front of the group. "You must be Ren Sakakibara, darling."

Sakakibara's eyes widen. "Gakushuu told you about me?"

Asano looks a little bashful. "Mom," he says.

"Oh honey," she laughs at him. Her eyes hone in on Akabane, and they glitter in determination. "And you must be Karma Akabane," she says, "I've heard an especially lot about you-"

"MOM!" Asano says. It must be a very lucky today, the stars have aligned as 1-A is treated to another blessing of a delicious sight - Asano blushing pink.

Click, goes the shutter of Araki's camera.

Mrs Asano giggles, and pats her son's head. "Where's your papa, honey?"

"Hiding from you."

She rolls her eyes. "Figures. You got the things I asked you to bring?"

Asano digs in his bag and hands her a suspicious box. The contents clank together ominously. "Yep."

"Thank you." She kisses her son on the forehead and Gakushuu's eyes glitter. "I'll go hunt your father down. See you in a bit."

The class watches her go, humming a little. Her high heels click against the wood rather officially, and she holds her head up like someone who owns her stage. Certainly no woman to take lightly; she reminds Akabane a little of Bitch-sensei in assassin-mode. The Principal was in for a hell of a greeting. 

"Dad's so dead," Asano says, echoing the sentiment. Perhaps the imminent murder of his father was what got his spirits up?

Asano disappears then, off to do whatever a principal's son does in his downtime, but it's only 20 minutes later that an alert in the Gakushuu Asano chat that has 1-A sprinting down the corridors to gape at the family of 3 out in public.

Next to each other, the Asanos make a striking pair. They look reminiscent of a celebrity couple that might have appeared on the front page of a magazine - unnecessarily attractive, much too suave for a high school principal and his wife. Their son is sauntering casually next to them, completing the perfect family trio.

The students watch in awe. It's not an uncommon sight to see father and son together on school grounds, very often in heated debate, but the elusive matriarch of the household turned heads. People have their phones out. It's not discreet in any manner but the family's undeterred, coolly ignoring the attention.

And then the nosy onlookers do a double take. The people standing just out of earshot or the students who think they have lives and deign not to gather for gossip means it's an agonizing few minutes before they're updated on the Asanos; their conversation is broadcasted to the public via a very shaky camera phone video. It's a real game changer for Kunugigaoka.

"And this," Mrs Asano says, jabbing a thumb at the wall with an offended glare that neither her son nor her husband can even think of coming close to matching. "What colour is  _ that _ ?!"

"Slate," Principal Asano says quietly.

“Slate," she snorts, "might as well have painted it charcoal, darling. Your tastes have gotten so  _ basic _ ." She pats him on the head like he's not a foot and a half taller than her and struts off, the principal at her heels like a puppy. Their son, on the other hand, is skipping along and basking in his mother's presence as she insults the decor. 1-A watch in rapt attention.

"I really am glad you got rid of the campus up on that hill," she says, "it was such a pain to get to. And it didn't even have an air conditioner!"

1-A looks at Akabane. He shrugs, because he agrees.

The crowd follows them back to the Principal's Office - previously a hallway walked in dread, now by the students in glee. The three disappear briefly through the large wooden doors and emerge again barely a minute later, the Mrs hugging with one arm an ostentatious floral arrangement that must cost hundreds, her husband with red ears, and their son absolutely losing his shit. 

"He's mean to me whenever you're gone," the youngest Asano says, all filial piety.

The Principal scowls. "You little brat-" 

"Now, honey," Mrs Asano says, and he falls silent. She beams and leans over to peck him on the cheek, leaving a bright red mark, and says, "Gakushuu and I will get going. See you at home after work, and do pick up some dessert on the way."

"I'll hold the flowers," Asano offers. 

"Thank you," Mrs Asano says. "It's a wonder how much of a precious child you are when your father is absolutely abysmal at parenting."

The Principal stands there, defeated. And then whips around and glares at the peanut gallery.

The students scatter. Nothing is heard about the Asanos for the rest of the day. There’s a photograph of mother and son getting into the principal’s car and an accompanying shot of said principal looking sadly at the empty parking lot with his keys in his hands. A thrilling saga, and everyone waits in anticipation for any updates in either the group chat, or a news report that the Asano estate had gone up in flames.

Alas, nothing.

The series reaches its climax bright and early in the morning, stepping out of the car and into school, stretching. Akabane’s in the middle of the courtyard by then, and he - and the students milling around - only turn when they hear the principal yell.

Asano is there, the unbothered recipient of said outburst, hair slightly mussed and bags under his eyes darker than usual, giving his father a shit-eating grin and then heading straight in Akabane’s direction.

"Wow," Akabane says in awe, "you look like shit."

"Thanks," Asano says, stifling a yawn. "I didn't get any sleep because my parents were busy making a baby."

It takes a while to click, but then Akabane is on the floor howling with laughter, and the principal slaps his son on the head. "Stop telling people that, you little shit!"

"How-how many people has he told so far?" Akabane wheezes in between laughs.

"The security guards, Chihoko-sensei, and me," Sakakibara says, walking over. He jabs a thumb at the direction of the school entrance where one could see three people doubled over in hysterics. Anyone could sneak past the school gates right this very moment and pass undetected.

Asano throws his hands in the air. "Akabane, I'm going to be a big brot-umph!" His father has very literally kicked him in the ass, and he lands on top of Akabane and starts giggling uncontrollably.

“You,” says the Principal, then he mutters curses that shouldn’t be directed at his kid, or his student, or anyone, really. Asano, in retaliation, gets comfortable on the concrete and, in a move that proves he's been spending far too much time with Akabane, sticks his tongue out.

“Insufferable brat,” his father says, with no small amount of fondness and murder intent.


End file.
